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Thread: How well do you get along with your extended family?

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    Senior Member calebib's Avatar
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    How well do you get along with your extended family?

    The subject of familial relationships came up yesterday at lunch with Dan (MileHighShooter). I mentioned that I have several cousins that I can't stand. Overall I get along very well with everyone in my immediate family, the weakest relationship being with my sister due to philosophical differences. I only have one cousin that I have anywhere near regular contact with but the rest of them I barely know anymore. The worst relationship is my cousin Steve in California, he's a massive screwup. He's 43 going on 16 and has been a complete drunk and drug addict for decades, he's even responsible for a DUI crash that killed his best friend. I've had to deal with him one too many times at family functions, the last time he started getting the DTs in the middle of another cousin's wedding ceremony. A number of years ago his mother suggested that he move in with me so that I could be a good influence on him, I told her that the only outcome of that would be him in a grave and me in prison.

    These days I just keep in touch with my immediate family and do my best to pretend I don't have any cousins, I just don't need the drama. Does anybody else here have a similar situation and is there anyone that really gets along with their entire family?

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    Re: How well do you get along with your extended family?

    Other than a first-cousin I stop by and see once a year or so , I haven't talked to a blood relative in almost 20 years.

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    Senior Member DoctorWho's Avatar
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    Re: How well do you get along with your extended family?

    The only family member that I never really got along with, My sister, always a real PITA in the truest sense of the word, and I know I am no treasure either, however the true measure of a person is their stance on gun control, and My sister is a Brady card carrying member of the gun control clack.

    She has managed to alienate herself from both sides of the family to include many extended family members on both sides.

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    Senior Member JerryBobCo's Avatar
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    Re: How well do you get along with your extended family?

    I'm fortunate to have a pretty good extended family. My mother grew up on a family of 10 children, and she was the youngest. She has a nephew who is older than her, and whom I can't recall even ever seeing.

    For the most part, I get along with them well.
    Jerry

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    Re: How well do you get along with your extended family?

    I get along well with the ones I see, which go to inlaws but not cousins. Good folks.
    Not too many problems you can't fix
    With a 1911 and a 30-06

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    Senior Member NN's Avatar
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    Re: How well do you get along with your extended family?

    I tolerate them
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    Senior Member calebib's Avatar
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    Re: How well do you get along with your extended family?

    Quote Originally Posted by Gene L View Post
    I get along well with the ones I see, which go to inlaws but not cousins. Good folks.
    I get along with most of my in-laws pretty well. I must be one of the lucky ones, my mother in-law lives in a different hemisphere!

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    Senior Member JerryBobCo's Avatar
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    Re: How well do you get along with your extended family?

    Quote Originally Posted by calebib View Post
    I get along with most of my in-laws pretty well. I must be one of the lucky ones, my mother in-law lives in a different hemisphere!
    All of my in-laws are out-laws. At least it seems that way.

    My wife's mom and dad are both deceased, and she only has two brothers, or, as she says, those two people that my parents raised.

    They're about as sorry as two people can be. Thankfully, we do not speak or communicate in any way with each other.
    Jerry

    The age of reason...when excuses become reasons.

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    Senior Member DoctorWho's Avatar
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    Re: How well do you get along with your extended family?

    I heard a joke like that once, the guy says, yeah, My MIL lives in a different time zone, burning in "The other place"...

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    Senior Member calebib's Avatar
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    Re: How well do you get along with your extended family?

    Quote Originally Posted by JerryBobCo View Post
    All of my in-laws are out-laws. At least it seems that way.

    My wife's mom and dad are both deceased, and she only has two brothers, or, as she says, those two people that my parents raised.

    They're about as sorry as two people can be. Thankfully, we do not speak or communicate in any way with each other.
    My wife's older brother is about as liberal as they come and is terrified of me. Everyone else is pretty cool.

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    Senior Member NCFUBAR's Avatar
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    Re: How well do you get along with your extended family?

    Don't hear from many of 'em until they need something. The best one outside of the parents is actually my BIL, my sister is too busy. He is always ready to lend a hand even though he gets in the way most of the time. The rest are to concerned with their beach cottage, vintage car, etc until a tree needs dropping or they need wiring done ...
    Once is an accident, Twice may be a coincidence ... Three Times is enemy action.

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    Senior Member cpj's Avatar
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    Re: How well do you get along with your extended family?

    Quote Originally Posted by calebib View Post
    My wife's older brother is about as liberal as they come and is terrified of me.
    I would enjoy the HELL out of that.



    Folks on my dads side, I like most all of them. Folks on my moms side, meh. Most of my inlaws, meh to if I never saw them again it would be too soon.
    Quote Originally Posted by Zee View Post

    So, run along and gargle antifreeze or something.

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    Senior Member Six-Gun's Avatar
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    Re: How well do you get along with your extended family?

    I am fortunate enough to have a mostly excellent extended family, to include my in-laws. I get along with my in-laws great as do my parents. Wife wife's parents actually just got don a Caribbean cruise with my folks. They had a fantastic time.

    As for the cousins, virtually all of them are good and productive members of society with the exception of my one aunt's kids. They are all messed up, but I attribute that to their dad. He's a screwup in every way, a true gypsy who lives from one con to the next. His idea of a stable residence is paying the first months rent at his latest aprtment and then stiffing the landlord until he gets booted. Because the eviction rules in New York City are so liberal, he'll get to squat in a place he has intention to pay for about 6 months before the law tells him to leave. Unfortunately, some of that has rubbed off on his kids.

    Other than that one exception, the extended family is just fine.

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    Senior Member CaliFFL's Avatar
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    Re: How well do you get along with your extended family?

    My mother has/had 14 siblings and my dad has seven. I have more cousins than I can remember. If it wasn't for Facebook, I wouldn't "speak" with any of them.

    As far as inlaws are concerned, I got the good ones. My parents are, um, difficult.
    The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me.

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    Re: How well do you get along with your extended family?

    Grew up playing with all the cousins. Moved away when old enough. Bounced around from state to state. Lost contact with all the cousins except one that I talk to on occasion. One uncle on occasion. Haven't talked to my brother in about 12 years. Mom moved out by me so I can keep an eye on her and the grandkids love her. talk to dad once a week and see him about once a year. That's the extent of my family contact.

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    Re: How well do you get along with your extended family?

    Cousins on my Dad's side, no problem. Mom's side, not so much. I get along pretty well with one neice, and one nephew. Acutally on pretty good terms with my ex, but for the rest of the family, I don't even know where most of them are amymore.

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    Senior Member CHIRO1989's Avatar
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    Re: How well do you get along with your extended family?

    I am fortunate to see most of my Aunt, Uncles, and cousins on a regular basis and I get along with all of them fine, there are none I would avoid, they circle the wagons pretty well when the need arises. My wifes family is super also, but we both have sisters that need tough love.

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    Senior Member Diver43's Avatar
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    Re: How well do you get along with your extended family?

    Extended Family? Heck I dont even get along with my close family. Went an entire year and didnt talk to my parents because of how bad they treated my wife. WE get along better now and talk on the phone once a week. Extended family, didnt return phone calls so I stopped calling.

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    Re: How well do you get along with your extended family?

    Sadly, I lived through the '60s-'80s, a period when "McMarriage and "McDivorce" overtook the American scene as fast as "the pill" and "grass".

    As the child of a divorce so bitter, cops were called when the 'ex-relative" showed up at a family picnic (great to see all one side of yer family trying to get yer other parent arrested) and nobody seemed to understand that THE KIDS don't get a divorce.....
    I lost touch first with most of my mom's family, then later, when dad remarried, to a woman many in his family didn't approve of, many on that side as well.

    I have two cousins who live locally. I see both fairly often and we get along, but there's no great warmth..... The rest of the tribes I see at funerals, and often somebody has to tell me who is who.......

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    Senior Member samzhere's Avatar
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    Re: How well do you get along with your extended family?

    Aside from my nephew (in his 40s), whom I love dearly, I have zero contact with my blood relatives. Most are long gone anyway. I didn't get along with my aunts or uncles when I was a kid growing up, or later. I just had little in common with them so we never meshed as I grew up.

    There were a few exceptions -- one aunt was a great gal, I liked her and her hubby. They're both gone now. And I had a cousin who was my age and we were like sister & brother, but she died too. All of natural causes.

    I lost both parents years back, of course, and my wonderfully crazy kid sister about 10 years ago. I miss all of them even now.

    I've got two stepsons and thankfully I'm close to both of them, love them. Of course, like any kids you've reared, there are problems in the past but we've outgrown that. Heck, they're both over 50, so we'd better get along by now, ha ha. My wife (their mom) died years ago. One boy lives in eastern Missouri, the other in Oregon, and my nephew still lives in KC. So we rarely see each other but keep in email & phone contact all the time.

    And it's good that my nephew and both stepsons have great wives. Both stepsons have grown kids, some with their own children, but I really don't have contact with them, just the stepsons. So our rather small extended family is okay. We've had our ups and downs like anyone would, but there's no sense in holding grudges at our age.

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    Senior Member samzhere's Avatar
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    Re: How well do you get along with your extended family?

    Speaking of uncles and aunts, one of my mom's sisters was married to a total acoholic mean drunk. When I was growing up, I remember that about every 3-4 months, the aunt and her daughter (my great cousin) would end up at our house, the aunt with bruises.

    And I remember on more than one occasion, the drunk violent hubby showing up, standing in the street screaming obscenities. Dad would of course call the cops, but I also remember a couple times, the guy getting onto our property, the front yard, and threatening everyone (before the cops showed), my Dad standing in the doorway, one hand on the 1911 stuck into his back waistband, saying "Charlie, don't come onto the front steps. I don't want to shoot you. And you know I will."

    And Charlie never did challenge that, drunk as he was. Dad had a, mmm, "reputation" in eastern Kentucky, he and his brother both, from when they were young men, and my mom and her sisters knew it well, and apparently Charlie always remembered it. **

    ^^ A late night posting that needs clarification: My Dad's and his brother's "reputation" came from their often being "special deputies" for the town marshall, and were on the posse due to their firepower and cool heads, being well known in the counties as "shooters", Dad w. his 1911 and my uncle with his Colt revolver. Dad often regaled me with tales of gunfights which, as a kid, I took to be tall stories but later found out were all true.

    Funny how some memories stick with you.
    Last edited by samzhere; 09-03-2011 at 03:07 PM.

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    Senior Member orchidman's Avatar
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    Re: How well do you get along with your extended family?

    I have over 450 relatives of one sort or another living within a 100mile radius. They all fall into different categories.

    There are those whom I will stop at nothing to help........and frequently do ( stop at nothing....that is....)

    There are those who I will walk over broken glass to give a helping hand or two ........preferably around their throats............

    Then there are those whom I would willingly sacrifice a life for ( preferably theirs or their offspring's )

    Then there are those that I regard as true friends......the ones you dont ring up when you need bail money cos they would be in the same holding cell as me...........

    Most of my relatives regard my lifestyle as disgusting ( They regard drinking, smoking, hunting, fishing and deep and meaningful, long term , commitment orientated, till death us do part one night stands as the 'devils' work.......and instead prefer shallow meaningless marriages)

    I have 3 sisters.....all of whom love me dearly as do their kids and they all turn to me when the doo doo hits the oscillating wind machine. My mom and dad are priceless, even though my dad and I argue a lot....we still respect each other.

    Apart from my immediate family, there are a few cousins that I really admire and spend time with. ( a couple older than me but most of them much younger like Anna of DH fame)

    I guess I could sum up most of my relatives as wannabe practising Proctologists................cos they always have their heads up their....ah.......um....nevermind.


    But....you were talking about extended family.................and I couldnt wsh for a better extended family than what I have on this forum!!!!
    Still enjoying the trip of a lifetime and making the best of what I have.....

  23. #23
    Moderator Wambli Ska's Avatar
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    Re: How well do you get along with your extended family?

    When I was a kid I was VERY close to my cousins, second cousins, uncles, granduncles etc. Living in a small 100x35 mile island will do that. Over the years after I moved to the mainland I lost touch with many but it was good to see a boatload at my dads funeral two years ago and realize that they are still wonderful loving people so I reconnected with many of them and we now keep in touch through Facebook and such.

    I also love all my in-laws and I have 2 WONEDRFUL moms-in-law (my wife's mom and step-mom) whom I LOVE dearly and a father-in-law that is trully like a father to me. My sisters are wonderful and their husbands are GREAT guys and we are all very close though we don't see each other as often as we should because of distances. My nieces and nephews are just great kids and the same applies. Actually I'm about to fly to my nieces wedding in a few weeks. She is the one I posted a picture of on the old board who is the model on the Puerto Rico tourism campaign (her soon to be husband is one LUCKY guy).

    So all in all I'm very fortunate. I do have to say there are a few uncles/cousins on both mine and my wife's sides of the family that we have purposely lost touch with. In some cases it's because I don't like them in in most cases it's because I don't approve of their lifestyles or choices. Like I say to my wife, I don't need them to change but I also don't need them around me or my family.
    "Attack rapidly, ruthlessly, viciously, without rest, however tired and hungry you may be, the enemy will be more tired, more hungry. Keep punching." General George S. Patton

  24. #24
    Senior Member samzhere's Avatar
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    Re: How well do you get along with your extended family?

    This has been a good thread, caleb, and thanks for starting it. Looks like most of us have extended relatives whom we'd not walk across the street to meet (there are more colorful ways to say it).

    My recommendation, from personal experience, is that if you're estranged from any close relatives (the cousins, etc, are less important), consider finding a way to patch things up. My older stepson and I had a falling out several years back, pretty harsh, both of us being somewhat guilty. His brother kept urging us to reconcile and eventually we did, for which we're both very happy.

    I'm not saying to do the "feel good" thing just out of social pressure -- sometimes family rifts have legitimate cause -- but in the final analysis, not a lot of good can come from long term hostility, I think. So if it's possible, give it some thought.

  25. #25
    Member BlkHawk73's Avatar
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    Re: How well do you get along with your extended family?

    My extended family extends from home here in Maine to Hawaii and has lots of stops in between. Most I'd simply lost contact with but with facebook, it's all become much easier to keep in contact. Some more local cousins are well...selfish so there's little to no contact with them but then again, they made that choice years ago. One cousin I lost contact with over 20 years ago (divorce) and wouldn't know her if I saw her anyways. No incident that has kept the distance or silence rather just no means to contact/find or in a couple cases, no great interest. No hard feelings just no interest.
    The wife's extended family reaches even further - all the way to Japan. For the most part, they keep in contact a bit and do all get along quite well. She also uses facebook for keeping in touch with her relatives that are distant.

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