Stun Gun Experience posted to my FB wall. Too funny!

Mrs_ChiefMrs_Chief MemberPosts: 292 Member
I have no idea if this is true, but it was too funny not to share. I can just *see* ol' Big doing something like this... and I bet plenty of the other wives will see their own hubby there, too.
Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.... A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer. The effects of the tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....
WAY TOO COOL!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best..

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it jerk-face,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh,
pushed the button, and . . . HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . .. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION .. . . WHAT THE HELL!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again.. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room..

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a tazer, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.. A three second burst would be considered conservative!

IT HURT LIKE HELL!!!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.. I had no control over the drooling ..

Apparently I pooped on myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!

P.S.... My wife, can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!

If you think education is difficult, try being stupid !!!

Replies

  • tennmiketennmike Senior Member Posts: 26,185 Senior Member
    Don't know if it's true or not, but it's funny! :roll2: With the proliferation of those things over the years, I can imagine someone has done that, and it hasn't been reported.

    But one thing in the story is true. Receiving an electrical shock causes muscle contraction; if you're holding onto something with your hand and get shocked, as long as you are being shocked your hand cannot turn loose.

    Like Will Rogers said, "There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves." :rotflmao:
    If the U.S. Congress was put in charge of the Sahara Desert, there would be a shortage of sand in under six months.



  • TeachTeach Senior Member Posts: 18,429 Senior Member
    The funniest thing about that story is the fact that Larry's Pistol and Pawn actually exists. It's on Memorial Parkway in Huntsville Alabama, and Knitepoet, Big Chief and I have all shopped there at various times. Great place- - - -they've got a huge inventory, good prices, and an indoor shooting range. Gander Mountain half a mile up the road has way less than half their inventory, and maybe 10% of their customers on a busy day! I don't recall ever seeing tasers on sale there, but it's a definite possibility. I can just imagine one of their customers giving himself a road test with one, however- - - -lots of redneck good ole boys shop there!
    Jerry
    Hide and wail in terror, Eloi- - - -We Morlocks are on the hunt!
    ASK-HOLE Someone who asks for advice and always does something opposite
  • NNNN Senior Member Posts: 23,987 Senior Member
    Well, I'm not trying it, they used to test electric shock dog
    collars on me and that is enough.
    A Veteran is someone that served in the Military, it does not matter where they served.
  • tennmiketennmike Senior Member Posts: 26,185 Senior Member
    I have a bigger version that uses two 9V batteries for power. It's the bee's knees for aggressive dogs! Knocks them on their six right now!:silly:

    If anybody is interested, I can bring it to the Shoot and let anyone that wants to give themselves a zap!
    If the U.S. Congress was put in charge of the Sahara Desert, there would be a shortage of sand in under six months.



  • TeachTeach Senior Member Posts: 18,429 Senior Member
    One of my dog trainer friends used to strap a training collar around his 2-year-old grandson's waist. No, he didn't use the shock function, but he said the beep tone locator came in pretty handy when the kid would try to hide from Grandpa!
    Jerry
    Hide and wail in terror, Eloi- - - -We Morlocks are on the hunt!
    ASK-HOLE Someone who asks for advice and always does something opposite
  • 1965Jeff1965Jeff Senior Member Posts: 1,612 Senior Member
    Always tried to get my BIL to pee on the electric fence when he was little. There is great video of a dog doing just that on you tube.
  • NNNN Senior Member Posts: 23,987 Senior Member
    1965Jeff wrote: »
    Always tried to get my BIL to pee on the electric fence when he was little. There is great video of a dog doing just that on you tube.

    Never did that; but, was in an alu canoe when the wire we were trying to get past slipped and got me.
    A Veteran is someone that served in the Military, it does not matter where they served.
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