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breamfisher
Senior MemberPosts: 13,894 Senior Member
What your carry handgun says about you...
breamfisher
Senior MemberPosts: 13,894 Senior Member
By no means exhaustive, but here's what I've noticed over the years. Feel free to add to the list.
1911: you’ve read all the works of Jeff Cooper, use the Weaver stance exclusively in shooting, and can name all the SWAT teams and U.S. Military Special Operations units that carry the Yankee Fist. You’re a connoisseur of magazines, can argue at length the virtues of bobtail vs. flat vs. arched mainspring housings, whether ambidextrous safeties are a crutch, hindrance, or a good thing, the advantages/disadvantages of the full-length guide rod, and have your own personal gunsmith.
Glock: thousands of government agents and agencies can’t we wrong, can they? They even have the Gunny, R. Lee Ermey, as a spokesman! You love the virtues of a “point and click interface” as you call it, have a preferred generation, argue ad nauseum over what sort of disconnector to use and in what weight, and are on the same bottle of lubricant you got 10 years ago when you bought Gaston’s wonderful creation. You carry on an empty chamber because your finger discipline “needs a little work.” Premature discharge is not a condition you see a doctor for.
H&K: the chosen weapon of both Jack Bauer and THE Larry A. Vickers, both Delta Force Operators! You don’t mind being bent over a barrel paying 1/3 to ½ more for a comparable product as it’s a definite “operator’s” weapon. Sure it has its interesting, er, quirks, but once you’ve trained with it you know these aren’t faults but features that point to the superiority of German engineering. Hey, at least YOU didn’t compromise when you bought your handgun, right? Right?!?!
Walther PPK: Bond. James Bond. It has all the knockdown power of a brick through a plate glass window. And your hands have the track marks from slide bite to show that you train with this wonderful piece of German engineering. You have a preferred vodka and can discuss at length how shaking vs. stirring a martini really will make a difference.
Smith & Wesson J-frame, Ruger SP-101, Colt Detective Special and Cobra: you read pulp novels featuring hardboiled detectives from the 1940s and 1950s. You smoke Camel cigarettes (unfiltered) and refer to women as “dames.” Your carry method is the handgun in your pocket, and loose cartridges in the opposite pocket. You can’t hit anything past 5 feet, and practice with your “heater” once a year, shooting 10 cartridges. You’re still on the same box of 158 gr. roundnose lead bullets you bought in April, 2009.
Derringer: beats a sharp stick. You may or may not carry a reload. Prefer folks call you “Mississippi Slim.”
NAA mini-revolver: it’s gun-like. For the man who wants to be “armed” but really doesn’t want to do anything about it.
Kel-Tec/Ruger LCP/other small .380s: Again, beats a sharp stick. You can discuss high risk investments, optimizing your short-term gains, talk about being in it for the long-haul, and can give excellent advice on one’s investment portfolio. Wait, we’re supposed to talk about firearms?
3” or 4” service revolver in .357 (Smith & Wesson, Colt, Ruger…): Six for sure! You point out that most shootings involve an average of 2-3 shots, and that for years the 125 gr. JHP has had the best record for one-shot stops. You practice double-action shooting twice a year and can hit a pie plate 2 out of 6 times when shooting DA. At 5 yards. You smoke filtered Camels.
3” or 4” service revolver in .38 Special: Six for sure, and you point to your better recovery time. Your pie plate hit ratio is 4 out of 6 shots, but you practice the fine art of staging the trigger stroke.
Single-action revolver: I’m your huckleberry…
Springfield Armory XD: You can point out the many un-Glock features of the XD, claim it has better ergonomics compared to the Block, and how it doesn’t “point funny” in your hands. You may vaguely remember the HS2000, but dismissed it as “crap from Croatia” and point to how Springfield has improved the design by, well… they now have “Springfield” stamped on it. You know that the minimal acceptance of the XD by law enforcement is due to penny-pinchers running the armory, and that if cost were no object you’d see this fantastic pistol in more holsters everywhere. You were always the kid whose clothes were 2 years out of date in school.
Smith and Wesson M&P: I’ll take my plastic fantastics American, please. You like how the M&P can be customized to various hand sizes, and lament the fact that the aftermarket is slow to catch up with it. You still wear a leisure suit, and know that the only time to wear white is after Memorial Day and before Labor Day.
Smith and Wesson older autopistols: Don Johnson is still the king of cool. You wear your loafers without socks, a jacket at all times with a pastel shirt, and sunglasses indoors.
SIG: Chosen weapon of the Navy SEALs and the NCIS. You dismiss the “high bore axis” and know that only a true warrior can successfully manage the DA/SA transition. You get winded climbing a flight of stairs.
Beretta 92: You’ve watched all the John Woo movies and can talk at length about the differences in mullets that Jean-Claude Van Damme has in each of his movies. You’re trying to figure out how to mount the sights on the side of the slide due to your “unique” shooting style.
Taurus: It was on sale! You clean your handgun once a year whether it needs it or not, practice your draw stroke weekly or monthly, and take it to the range twice a year. Your carry holster is nylon.
Charter Arms Bulldog or other .44 Specials: You have a fond affection for the bygone days, and know that things would be better if we would just return to those days. You carry the .44 Special out of a sense of nostalgia think that just because something’s new, it’s not necessarily “better.” You’re quite good at one-handed shooting, with the other hand leaning on your cane. Or walker.
.41 or .44 Magnum: Do you feel lucky, punk? You’d better be, because you have a hard time hitting the target at the range, instead relying on the fireball and muzzleblast to bowl the assailant over. You take Cialis and are envious of Jermanator for his “endowment.”
Seecamp .32: You can point to the difference between “paper ballistics” and “real-world results.” You point out that the OSS (precursor to the CIA) issued .32 handguns in WWII, and that James Bond actually carried a .32 PPK, NOT the .380 that many people incorrectly assume. You still have the box of ammo that came with your handgun when you bought it in 1985.
CZ-75: Da, comrade. The best 9mm pistol made, according to Col. Cooper. You point out that the high capacity, superior ergonomics, and steel frame make for an eminently controllable 9mm handgun. Your daily debate is whether to carry cocked-and-locked, hammer down/safety off, or hammer down/safety on. You drive a Volvo.
Browning Hi Power: You have a real sense of history and can discuss the merits of the various generational Marks. You know that std. pressure 9mm ammo works just fine, and that the small sights and safeties of most Hi Powers, along with the spongy trigger and magazine disconnect, are really features and not shortfalls. You eagerly point out that your handgun was the first successful 9mm double-stack, and that it has ergonomics beyond compare. You can find humor in ALL the Monty Python skits.
Edited to add:
Kahr: You don't fear the break-in period, you welcome it. The break-in period FORCES you to become more acquainted with your chosen sidearm. Nevermind you have to learn a new manual of arms when it's broken in, you're learning the handgun. And you get familiar with failure drills. Bonus! You feel that the best thing about this Glock-like manufacturer is its un-Glock-ishness: single stack, smooth trigger pull, and... well, that's about it.
Pink Charter Arms revolvers: Nobody carries those. They hide them.
1911: you’ve read all the works of Jeff Cooper, use the Weaver stance exclusively in shooting, and can name all the SWAT teams and U.S. Military Special Operations units that carry the Yankee Fist. You’re a connoisseur of magazines, can argue at length the virtues of bobtail vs. flat vs. arched mainspring housings, whether ambidextrous safeties are a crutch, hindrance, or a good thing, the advantages/disadvantages of the full-length guide rod, and have your own personal gunsmith.
Glock: thousands of government agents and agencies can’t we wrong, can they? They even have the Gunny, R. Lee Ermey, as a spokesman! You love the virtues of a “point and click interface” as you call it, have a preferred generation, argue ad nauseum over what sort of disconnector to use and in what weight, and are on the same bottle of lubricant you got 10 years ago when you bought Gaston’s wonderful creation. You carry on an empty chamber because your finger discipline “needs a little work.” Premature discharge is not a condition you see a doctor for.
H&K: the chosen weapon of both Jack Bauer and THE Larry A. Vickers, both Delta Force Operators! You don’t mind being bent over a barrel paying 1/3 to ½ more for a comparable product as it’s a definite “operator’s” weapon. Sure it has its interesting, er, quirks, but once you’ve trained with it you know these aren’t faults but features that point to the superiority of German engineering. Hey, at least YOU didn’t compromise when you bought your handgun, right? Right?!?!
Walther PPK: Bond. James Bond. It has all the knockdown power of a brick through a plate glass window. And your hands have the track marks from slide bite to show that you train with this wonderful piece of German engineering. You have a preferred vodka and can discuss at length how shaking vs. stirring a martini really will make a difference.
Smith & Wesson J-frame, Ruger SP-101, Colt Detective Special and Cobra: you read pulp novels featuring hardboiled detectives from the 1940s and 1950s. You smoke Camel cigarettes (unfiltered) and refer to women as “dames.” Your carry method is the handgun in your pocket, and loose cartridges in the opposite pocket. You can’t hit anything past 5 feet, and practice with your “heater” once a year, shooting 10 cartridges. You’re still on the same box of 158 gr. roundnose lead bullets you bought in April, 2009.
Derringer: beats a sharp stick. You may or may not carry a reload. Prefer folks call you “Mississippi Slim.”
NAA mini-revolver: it’s gun-like. For the man who wants to be “armed” but really doesn’t want to do anything about it.
Kel-Tec/Ruger LCP/other small .380s: Again, beats a sharp stick. You can discuss high risk investments, optimizing your short-term gains, talk about being in it for the long-haul, and can give excellent advice on one’s investment portfolio. Wait, we’re supposed to talk about firearms?
3” or 4” service revolver in .357 (Smith & Wesson, Colt, Ruger…): Six for sure! You point out that most shootings involve an average of 2-3 shots, and that for years the 125 gr. JHP has had the best record for one-shot stops. You practice double-action shooting twice a year and can hit a pie plate 2 out of 6 times when shooting DA. At 5 yards. You smoke filtered Camels.
3” or 4” service revolver in .38 Special: Six for sure, and you point to your better recovery time. Your pie plate hit ratio is 4 out of 6 shots, but you practice the fine art of staging the trigger stroke.
Single-action revolver: I’m your huckleberry…
Springfield Armory XD: You can point out the many un-Glock features of the XD, claim it has better ergonomics compared to the Block, and how it doesn’t “point funny” in your hands. You may vaguely remember the HS2000, but dismissed it as “crap from Croatia” and point to how Springfield has improved the design by, well… they now have “Springfield” stamped on it. You know that the minimal acceptance of the XD by law enforcement is due to penny-pinchers running the armory, and that if cost were no object you’d see this fantastic pistol in more holsters everywhere. You were always the kid whose clothes were 2 years out of date in school.
Smith and Wesson M&P: I’ll take my plastic fantastics American, please. You like how the M&P can be customized to various hand sizes, and lament the fact that the aftermarket is slow to catch up with it. You still wear a leisure suit, and know that the only time to wear white is after Memorial Day and before Labor Day.
Smith and Wesson older autopistols: Don Johnson is still the king of cool. You wear your loafers without socks, a jacket at all times with a pastel shirt, and sunglasses indoors.
SIG: Chosen weapon of the Navy SEALs and the NCIS. You dismiss the “high bore axis” and know that only a true warrior can successfully manage the DA/SA transition. You get winded climbing a flight of stairs.
Beretta 92: You’ve watched all the John Woo movies and can talk at length about the differences in mullets that Jean-Claude Van Damme has in each of his movies. You’re trying to figure out how to mount the sights on the side of the slide due to your “unique” shooting style.
Taurus: It was on sale! You clean your handgun once a year whether it needs it or not, practice your draw stroke weekly or monthly, and take it to the range twice a year. Your carry holster is nylon.
Charter Arms Bulldog or other .44 Specials: You have a fond affection for the bygone days, and know that things would be better if we would just return to those days. You carry the .44 Special out of a sense of nostalgia think that just because something’s new, it’s not necessarily “better.” You’re quite good at one-handed shooting, with the other hand leaning on your cane. Or walker.
.41 or .44 Magnum: Do you feel lucky, punk? You’d better be, because you have a hard time hitting the target at the range, instead relying on the fireball and muzzleblast to bowl the assailant over. You take Cialis and are envious of Jermanator for his “endowment.”
Seecamp .32: You can point to the difference between “paper ballistics” and “real-world results.” You point out that the OSS (precursor to the CIA) issued .32 handguns in WWII, and that James Bond actually carried a .32 PPK, NOT the .380 that many people incorrectly assume. You still have the box of ammo that came with your handgun when you bought it in 1985.
CZ-75: Da, comrade. The best 9mm pistol made, according to Col. Cooper. You point out that the high capacity, superior ergonomics, and steel frame make for an eminently controllable 9mm handgun. Your daily debate is whether to carry cocked-and-locked, hammer down/safety off, or hammer down/safety on. You drive a Volvo.
Browning Hi Power: You have a real sense of history and can discuss the merits of the various generational Marks. You know that std. pressure 9mm ammo works just fine, and that the small sights and safeties of most Hi Powers, along with the spongy trigger and magazine disconnect, are really features and not shortfalls. You eagerly point out that your handgun was the first successful 9mm double-stack, and that it has ergonomics beyond compare. You can find humor in ALL the Monty Python skits.
Edited to add:
Kahr: You don't fear the break-in period, you welcome it. The break-in period FORCES you to become more acquainted with your chosen sidearm. Nevermind you have to learn a new manual of arms when it's broken in, you're learning the handgun. And you get familiar with failure drills. Bonus! You feel that the best thing about this Glock-like manufacturer is its un-Glock-ishness: single stack, smooth trigger pull, and... well, that's about it.
Pink Charter Arms revolvers: Nobody carries those. They hide them.
I'm just here for snark.
Replies
JAY
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, German writer and politician
I do, a blued Charter Arms Off Duty. :tooth:
Words of wisdom from Big Chief: Flush twice, it's a long way to the Mess Hall
I'd rather have my sister work in a whorehouse than own another Taurus!
You have put a lot of thought into this. How long has your cable been out of service?
For the H&K, add Customs and Border Protection, & a couple of others that shall remain nameless, to the list of H&K users.
You got in shots at two of my favorites. Not sure if I should be offended or just give that sly smile of confidence.
As for Cialis, I find most white wines too sweet, and prefer a good Burgundy
:beer:
Words of wisdom from Big Chief: Flush twice, it's a long way to the Mess Hall
I'd rather have my sister work in a whorehouse than own another Taurus!
Words of wisdom from Big Chief: Flush twice, it's a long way to the Mess Hall
I'd rather have my sister work in a whorehouse than own another Taurus!
:tooth:
Xtra points for Nambu T14.
No-one will admit to owning, much less carrying, a Nambu T94. Unless they like AD furrows in their leg!
Great list!
Makarov - you carry a gun that was carried by a communist. You are as cheap as the day is long but require something that works harder than the Bulgarian worker that made it. You brag about the East German craftsmanship strapped to the inside of your waist band, even though it was designed by vodka slugging Soviets. It was meant to be better then the PPK and it is, sort of. You have to buy ammo by the case because your local gun dealer doesn't carry it and the Wal-Mart clerk says "What???" if you ask for it. You know how accurate it is and how crummy the sights are. You cannot own just one, so you belong to a "Makarov group". Your wife thinks you are gun obsessed and in need of therapy. In your safe sits a taste of the iron curtain. Most likely you have an SKS and an AK... 1911 owners think you your sleep with the enemy.
Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives.... now who's bringing the hot wings? :jester:
Ahem.... You cannot engage the safety on a CZ-75 with the hammer down or on half cock. It's C&L or DA, no safety. Now, the Italian CZ clones can be put on safe with the hammer down.
[/removes Gun Hipster Glasses]
-Mikhail Kalashnikov
Next time wear the gun cognoscenti glasses.
You carry a:
MOUSEGUN - You always have it with you, no matter what you're wearing or not wearing, regardless of the weather, social or business situation. You never leave home without it. Never. You know bullet placement trumps caliber. You understand Rule Number One - Have a gun. Because it's with you every day and everywhere, you bought the RIGHT GUN.
SUB-COMPACT - You have it with you 90% of the time, works well with a belt and holster or even with some front pockets, but there are occasions where it might print with what you're wearing. Because you leave it home 10% of the time, breaking Rule Number One, you bought the WRONG GUN.
COMPACT - You have it with you only 80% of the time because it is big, heavy, and requires both a holster and a belt. But you're a caliber queen who worries about one shot stopping power. Because you leave it home 20% of the time, breaking Rule Number One, you bought the WRONG GUN.
FULL SIZE - You have it with you 50-70% of the time, because it is way too large and heavy to go with everything you wear or everywhere you go. In some seasons, or business or social situations, it is simply too much gun to conveniently or comfortably conceal with absolute certainty, that regardless of any conceivable circumstance, you won't accidentally or unintentionally reveal your weapon. Because you leave it home almost as often as you actually carry it, breaking Rule Number One, you bought the WRONG GUN.
DISCLAIMER - If you bought anything larger than a mousegun for CCW, and are able to carry it concealed, without ever unintentionally revealing it, everyday, everywhere, every time, without fail, always fulfilling Rule Number One, you bought the RIGHT GUN.
If it was up your arse kicking field goals you'd know where it was. And when you pull it out of there and get it hosed off, I'd like to shoot it and I won't be distracted by jackassery.
I still don't know what to make of him...
Adam J. McCleod
Did you ask him if he liked gladiator movies?
Perhaps the profile concept could be expanded to include the preferred long firearm. I'll bet there be some laughs
You should have asked him for his ARFcom username.
-Mikhail Kalashnikov
Don't ask him right off the bat, ease the question into the conversation, and film it. Then ask him if he has the same problem as Jerm.:jester:
My suggestion is that you polish it up a bit (doesn't need much) and submit it to G&A or any other gun mag. Were I the editor I'd buy it asap!
Loved it, laughed a lot. Thanks!