However, the realist in me would like to say that after you have given your 'all' to try to resolve things, if it doesn't work out, there will come a time where you will have to consider 'moving on'. I hope and pray it doesn't come to that...............but if it does, do everything in your power to act honourably etc so that you part amicably.
It would be amicable, if it comes to that.
-Zorba, "The Veiled Male"
"If you get it and didn't work for it, someone else worked for it and didn't get it..."
"Z", I don't know if it will help but prayers are on the way. 40 years behind the badge, refereeing family problems, and a failed marriage has taught me that when she starts thinkin that way, someone has bent her ear. In my case, it was the MIL, who never thought I was good enough for her little girl..........robin :angel2:
I don't often talk to people that voted for Obama, but when I do I order large fries!
Life member of the American Legion, the VFW, the NRA and the Masonic Lodge, retired LEO
Zorba I am sorry to hear about your troubles. I was with my first over 30 years and it isn't easy. PM me if I can help or if you still have my phone # call me if you want. I found it easier to talk to someone on here than talking to my friends. Good luck.
Well guys, I'm not going to claim "victory" or anything - but at this particular moment in time, it looks like a corner has been turned for the better...
Time will tell...
I'm sure all the prayers have had something to do with it!
Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You guys are great.
-Zorba, "The Veiled Male"
"If you get it and didn't work for it, someone else worked for it and didn't get it..."
It's only true if it's on this forum where opinions are facts and facts are opinions
Words of wisdom from Big Chief: Flush twice, it's a long way to the Mess Hall
I'd rather have my sister work in a whorehouse than own another Taurus!
Well guys, I'm not going to claim "victory" or anything - but at this particular moment in time, it looks like a corner has been turned for the better...
Time will tell...
I'm sure all the prayers have had something to do with it!
Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You guys are great.
For the moment - we're doing the "painful exploration of communication thing" right now...
Glad to hear about the positive steps. I am just a newbee compared to you. I will celebrate twenty next year. Your quote is interesting. The two pieces of advice I always give to newlyweds are, always communicate, and always date. Live like you are still dating each other. My wife is still the first one I want to talk too, laugh with, commiserate with, share good news with, etc. I attribute this to following my own advice. It also comes down to picking my battles. As a man it is well understood, within my genetic structure, that women are irrational. I make a concerted effort to remember this when interacting with my wife. I have also sought to learn to understand the female dialect of the English language. Men speak in literal, while women speak in symbolism and innuendo. I don't presume to completely understand it, but I get it well enough now. I also made it very clear, early on, that I don't mean any thing by what I say, I mean what I say. Anyway I don't even know if your situation involved any of that. Just my two cents. Hope it keeps improving.
Well Tuba - it kinda sorta does. I have been talking to a dance sister and friend about this whole affair. She definitely agrees that men and women don't think alike AT ALL - to which I can only agree totally. I like your quote:
Men speak in literal, while women speak in symbolism and innuendo. I don't presume to completely understand it, but I get it well enough now. I also made it very clear, early on, that I don't mean any thing by what I say, I mean what I say.
Because I know this on some level, but like any other man, I'll never have it all figured out.
Heck - I live in a FAR more feminine environment and interact with FAR more women and do it in THEIR environment than 95% of the guys out there. I think it helps quite a bit, but I still don't have it all figured out and don't expect to! I'm equally comfortable in the garage shooting the bull with the guys as I am in the kitchen hen party - but that doesn't make me an expert on women. No man is!
My wife and I have very good communications, and this STILL blew up!
-Zorba, "The Veiled Male"
"If you get it and didn't work for it, someone else worked for it and didn't get it..."
I made it very clear before we got married (or slightly after, it's been a bit) that I do not take hints, period. If you want to do ______, then TELL ME to do _____!
Yeah, ask me how that worked out.
I still follow that rule though. And get accused of being an ass because of it.
Same here..I told her direct "you want_____, then ask for _______. Dropping hints or expecting me to read your mind will result in you getting nothing"
I guess I got lucky, becuase I have one that took it to heart. We been together 18 years and though we have had a lot of ups and down, especially since we both are stay at home parents due to a disabled child that requires 24/7 care, we are still going strong.
Women suffer under the illusion that they understand men's feelings. What they don't understand is that men don't even have any feelings about some things, due to insufficient data. Women seem compelled by nature to try to force a man to have feelings about things that he isn't interested in, resulting in the man pretending to give a damn about things that he wishes didn't even exist. Most men have to fight against their nature to be sensitive to the things that make women feel happy, and it is a wise and/or lucky man who can tiptoe through this minefield without getting blown up.
It must be love, else a man would not choose to spend his life in such a state of confusion. Women have their own crosses to bear, and they are probably much more challenging, but this is something that a man cannot know - he has to go with his gut feeling, because logic fails him on this one.
Replies
- George Orwell
It would be amicable, if it comes to that.
Yep, I'm hoping so!
Thanx everybody.
Life member of the American Legion, the VFW, the NRA and the Masonic Lodge, retired LEO
Time will tell...
I'm sure all the prayers have had something to do with it!
Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You guys are great.
Words of wisdom from Big Chief: Flush twice, it's a long way to the Mess Hall
I'd rather have my sister work in a whorehouse than own another Taurus!
Glad to hear about the positive steps. I am just a newbee compared to you. I will celebrate twenty next year. Your quote is interesting. The two pieces of advice I always give to newlyweds are, always communicate, and always date. Live like you are still dating each other. My wife is still the first one I want to talk too, laugh with, commiserate with, share good news with, etc. I attribute this to following my own advice. It also comes down to picking my battles. As a man it is well understood, within my genetic structure, that women are irrational. I make a concerted effort to remember this when interacting with my wife. I have also sought to learn to understand the female dialect of the English language. Men speak in literal, while women speak in symbolism and innuendo. I don't presume to completely understand it, but I get it well enough now. I also made it very clear, early on, that I don't mean any thing by what I say, I mean what I say. Anyway I don't even know if your situation involved any of that. Just my two cents. Hope it keeps improving.
Because I know this on some level, but like any other man, I'll never have it all figured out.
Heck - I live in a FAR more feminine environment and interact with FAR more women and do it in THEIR environment than 95% of the guys out there. I think it helps quite a bit, but I still don't have it all figured out and don't expect to! I'm equally comfortable in the garage shooting the bull with the guys as I am in the kitchen hen party - but that doesn't make me an expert on women. No man is!
My wife and I have very good communications, and this STILL blew up!
Same here..I told her direct "you want_____, then ask for _______. Dropping hints or expecting me to read your mind will result in you getting nothing"
I guess I got lucky, becuase I have one that took it to heart. We been together 18 years and though we have had a lot of ups and down, especially since we both are stay at home parents due to a disabled child that requires 24/7 care, we are still going strong.
Distance is NOT contributing anything good to this situation - that's for sure.
It must be love, else a man would not choose to spend his life in such a state of confusion. Women have their own crosses to bear, and they are probably much more challenging, but this is something that a man cannot know - he has to go with his gut feeling, because logic fails him on this one.