"As midnight approaches, the official atomic clocks that keep Universal Coordinated Time will mark the time as 23h 59m 59s, followed by the leap second 23h 59m 60s. Jan 1 will continue as usual, beginning with 0h 0m 0s."
I'm thinking of starting a micro-brewery. The beer I will be brewing will use pinto beans as an ingredient. I will call it "Barking Spider Brewery" and the sole product will be labeled "Barking Spider Beer". The brewery's slogan will be "If you don't get it, you will."
Jerry
Gun control laws make about as much sense as taking ex-lax to cure a cough.
They just opened up a new restaurant in my town. It will feature a combination of Mexican and Soul food. It's called "Nacho Mama's".
My friend asked me yesterday, "What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping Tom?"
I said, "Well, a pickpocket snatches watches,........"
Knowledge is essential to living freely and fully; understanding gives knowledge purpose and strength; wisdom is combining the two and applying them appropriately in words and actions.
Many old expressions used by us older generation are like speaking Latin to the younger generation. I had an example of this yesterday afternoon. A friend and his son stopped by to talk a bit and the father said something happened to him at work that I considered kind of bad. So I said, "Well that sucks hind teat!". His son asked what that meant. So I had to explain cow anatomy, as in one udder divided into quarters and four teats. And that a calf following behind the cow sucking on one of the hind teats was in a tenuous position if the cow needed to take a poop. The light bulb went on over his head, figuratively, as he understood the expression. And this is a country raised boy; makes me a bit sad he didn't get that expression right off, and had to have it explained. Danged smartypants phones are dumbing down younger folk.
Another one that is misstated on a regular basis is "A hard row to hoe." It is misstated as "a hard ROAD to hoe." Effin' idiots, you don't hoe a ROAD, you hoe a row! Jeez! Stupidity on parade! :roll2:
“I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer” ― Douglas Adams
Mike, didja hear about the farmer who showed up at the local brothel trying to hire field hands? "I need somebody to chop cotton, and everybody says you've got the cheapest hoers in the county!"
Jerry
Mike, didja hear about the farmer who showed up at the local brothel trying to hire field hands? "I need somebody to chop cotton, and everybody says you've got the cheapest hoers in the county!"
Jerry
:spittingcoffee: Hadn't heard that one! :roll2:
“I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer” ― Douglas Adams
Instead of dropping a ball, critters, or food on New Year's why don't we drop Congresscritters with over 20 years in office off tall buildings and time it for them to go splat at exactly one second after midnight? Term limit that WORKS! :up:
“I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer” ― Douglas Adams
Had a cat walk pedestrian overpass at the interstate highway. Co-worker had to go that way with with a load. Kids were swinging a big brick on a rope from the cat walk. Hit the truck and hooked up in the cab. Happened so fast it pulled the kids arm off. First cop at the scene gave the driver a ticket. Some nerve.
Charged him with armed robbery.
Similar situation here recently
An elderly gentleman getting out of his car in a shopping center parking lot slipped and, as a falling person will, grabbed at the closest thing handy to break his fall.... which happened to be the radio antenna of a van parked nearby. Unfortunately, in doing so he snapped the antenna off, enraging the man sitting in the van who promptly beat and stabbed the old fellow with said aerial. Sadly, he passed away as a result of the attack.
There was a lot of public outcry over the incident, especially considering that no charges were brought by the county DA.
He said there was no way he could bring charges, because the duffer expired due to complications of van aerial disease:tooth:
"Bipartisan" usually means that a bigger than normal deception is happening.
George Carlin
Replies
Which then made me wonder if anyone got a tattoo of a show that would be even more regrettable.....................
Super glue? :tooth:
Luis
Not quite that last year, it would seem.
"Leap second 2016: Why this New Year's Eve will have an extra second."
December 30, 2016 by Deborah Netburn, Los Angeles Times.
http://phys.org/news/2016-12-year-eve-extra.html
"As midnight approaches, the official atomic clocks that keep Universal Coordinated Time will mark the time as 23h 59m 59s, followed by the leap second 23h 59m 60s. Jan 1 will continue as usual, beginning with 0h 0m 0s."
http://phys.org/news/2016-12-year-eve-extra.html
"Leap second 2016: Why this New Year's Eve will have an extra second'
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-96 lbs
Gun control laws make about as much sense as taking ex-lax to cure a cough.
My friend asked me yesterday, "What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping Tom?"
I said, "Well, a pickpocket snatches watches,........"
There is...........it's in the strip mall.......right next to the hair salon........"Curl Up and Dye".
I will fear no evil: For I carry a .308 and not a .270
"You maul 'em, we haul 'em!"
"You hit it, we git it!".
"We don't charge an arm and a leg...we want tows"
NO BS!
Jerry
"Sanitation provided by Shorty's ****ters."
Here's their service truck:
:jester:
Jerry
You kill 'em, we chill 'em.
You slice 'em, we ice 'em.
You stab 'em, we slab 'em.
There were probably other ones, but that's all I can remember.
I also recall seeing a septic tank cleanout truck that proudly claimed it was "Number one in the number 2 business."
Gun control laws make about as much sense as taking ex-lax to cure a cough.
"Caution- - - -stay 100 feet back- - - -Contains Political Promises"
:jester:
Jerry
Gun control laws make about as much sense as taking ex-lax to cure a cough.
Another one that is misstated on a regular basis is "A hard row to hoe." It is misstated as "a hard ROAD to hoe." Effin' idiots, you don't hoe a ROAD, you hoe a row! Jeez! Stupidity on parade! :roll2:
― Douglas Adams
By the way, Muleshoe is right down the road. Nice place.
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Jerry
Thing is, today ain't Tuesday.:p
She had never heard the explanation.
Gun control laws make about as much sense as taking ex-lax to cure a cough.
:spittingcoffee: Hadn't heard that one! :roll2:
― Douglas Adams
A pick pocket snatches watches...
I'll go to my corner now... :punch:
― Douglas Adams
:vomit:
Jerry
So you're saying that you were a Johnny-come-lately and there was no room at the inn? :tooth:
― Douglas Adams
Gotta reserve a spot way ahead a time out this way.
Similar situation here recently
An elderly gentleman getting out of his car in a shopping center parking lot slipped and, as a falling person will, grabbed at the closest thing handy to break his fall.... which happened to be the radio antenna of a van parked nearby. Unfortunately, in doing so he snapped the antenna off, enraging the man sitting in the van who promptly beat and stabbed the old fellow with said aerial. Sadly, he passed away as a result of the attack.
There was a lot of public outcry over the incident, especially considering that no charges were brought by the county DA.
He said there was no way he could bring charges, because the duffer expired due to complications of van aerial disease:tooth:
George Carlin