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Hillbilly vasectomy

JerryBobCoJerryBobCo Senior MemberPosts: 7,941 Senior Member

After their 11th child, a Kentucky couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So, the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. 'A less costly alternative,' said the doctor, 'is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in Kentucky) light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10.

The Kentuckian said to the doctor, 'I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me. ''Trust me,' said the doctor.

So, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count! "1" "2" "3" “4” "5," at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in Tennessee, Louisiana, Arkansas, Mississippi, Parts of Georgia, Missouri, West Virginia, and all of Washington DC.


Jerry

Gun control laws make about as much sense as taking ex-lax to cure a cough.

Replies

  • LinefinderLinefinder Moderator Posts: 7,036 Senior Member
      :D

    Best I've heard in a while........

    Mike
    "Walking away seems to be a lost art form."
    N454casull
  • SpkSpk Senior Member Posts: 3,966 Senior Member
    I'm surprised he didn't have an issue with counting to ten.

    Many not having that many fingers and all.
    Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience -- Mark Twain
    How easy it is to make people believe a lie, and [how] hard it is to undo that work again! -- Mark Twain

  • LinefinderLinefinder Moderator Posts: 7,036 Senior Member
    And just for fun......

    Why doesn't the UT football team have water on the sidelines?

    Because the kid with the recipe graduated.

    Mike


    "Walking away seems to be a lost art form."
    N454casull
  • TeachTeach Senior Member Posts: 18,428 Senior Member
    The same procedure works in Chicago, Detroit, East St. Louis and Noo Yawk- - - - -they just use a Colt 45 can!
  • JerryBobCoJerryBobCo Senior Member Posts: 7,941 Senior Member

    But, Mike.

    I like UT jokes.  All of us Aggies do. :)

    Jerry

    Gun control laws make about as much sense as taking ex-lax to cure a cough.
  • LinefinderLinefinder Moderator Posts: 7,036 Senior Member
    edited March 2019 #8
    Darn.......brain lapse......I forgot............. :s

    Rather than re-writing my previous posts, just strike UT and insert Texas A&M.

    That'll work........

    Mike
    "Walking away seems to be a lost art form."
    N454casull
  • LinefinderLinefinder Moderator Posts: 7,036 Senior Member
    Which brings up the question...........

    How many Aggies does it take to change a light bulb?

    Mike
    "Walking away seems to be a lost art form."
    N454casull
  • JerryBobCoJerryBobCo Senior Member Posts: 7,941 Senior Member
    Which brings up the question...........

    How many Aggies does it take to change a light bulb?

    Mike

    What's a light bulb?
    Jerry

    Gun control laws make about as much sense as taking ex-lax to cure a cough.
  • knitepoetknitepoet Senior Member Posts: 21,094 Senior Member
    edited March 2019 #11
    Know what the most common question asked to lawyers by A&M alum is?
    "If we get divorced, will we still be brother and sister?"
    Seven Habits of Highly Effective Pirates, Rule #37: There is no “overkill”. There is only “open fire” and “I need to reload”.


  • JerryBobCoJerryBobCo Senior Member Posts: 7,941 Senior Member

    Know what you call a Aggie 5 years after he graduates?


    BOSS!

    Jerry

    Gun control laws make about as much sense as taking ex-lax to cure a cough.
  • JerryBobCoJerryBobCo Senior Member Posts: 7,941 Senior Member
    knitepoet said:
    Know what the most common question asked to lawyers by A&M alum is?
    "If we get divorced, will we still be brother and sister?"


    That's what Uncle Dad told me.

    Jerry

    Gun control laws make about as much sense as taking ex-lax to cure a cough.
  • TeachTeach Senior Member Posts: 18,428 Senior Member
    Remember the fight between the Aggies and the Longhorns?  The Aggies were throwing hand grenades, and the Longhorns were pulling the pins and throwing them back!
  • JerryBobCoJerryBobCo Senior Member Posts: 7,941 Senior Member

    The best Aggie joke is the Aggie joke books.  God only knows how many have been sold.  They're full of Aggie jokes, and all are printed and published by the A&M Press.

    It's easy to laugh at yourself when you make money doing it. :)

    Jerry

    Gun control laws make about as much sense as taking ex-lax to cure a cough.
  • tennmiketennmike Senior Member Posts: 27,395 Senior Member
    I don't know a lot of jokes about other colleges. All I know is that back in the late 1990s the University of Tennessee/Knoxville Volunteers football team had the best players out on probation that money could buy.












    :)
      I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer”
    ― Douglas Adams
  • TeachTeach Senior Member Posts: 18,428 Senior Member
    Vanderbilt football fans love to rent the movie "Twister".  They can see more touchdowns in two hours than they've seen in the past 10 years! 
  • SpkSpk Senior Member Posts: 3,966 Senior Member
    File this one under possible fake news:

     "A TEXAS A & M football player was almost killed in a tragic horseback-riding accident. He fell from the horse and was nearly trampled to death. Thank God the manager of the K-Mart came out and unplugged it."

    :D

    Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience -- Mark Twain
    How easy it is to make people believe a lie, and [how] hard it is to undo that work again! -- Mark Twain

  • kansashunterkansashunter Senior Member Posts: 1,814 Senior Member
    My 3 favorite. Do you know why Oklahoma state had to put in artificial turf? It keeps the cheerleaders from grazing at halftime. Did you hear Oklahoma university's library burnt down? They lost the whole building and both of their books. Do you know how to get a Kansas university grad to get off of your porch? Pay him for the Pizza. 
  • zorbazorba Senior Member Posts: 23,663 Senior Member
    A bit of a tangent, but: Did you hear about the fire at the Alabama state governor's mansion? Burned all the way down to the rims!
    -Zorba, "The Veiled Male"

    "If you get it and didn't work for it, someone else worked for it and didn't get it..."
  • JerryBobCoJerryBobCo Senior Member Posts: 7,941 Senior Member
    My 3 favorite. Do you know why Oklahoma state had to put in artificial turf? It keeps the cheerleaders from grazing at halftime. Did you hear Oklahoma university's library burnt down? They lost the whole building and both of their books. Do you know how to get a Kansas university grad to get off of your porch? Pay him for the Pizza. 

    and one of the books hadn't even been colored in.
    Jerry

    Gun control laws make about as much sense as taking ex-lax to cure a cough.
  • tennmiketennmike Senior Member Posts: 27,395 Senior Member
    Why do Tennessee, Florida, and Auburn wear orange? So they can play football on Saturday, hunt on Sunday and pick up the trash on Monday...

    How can you tell if a University of Tennessee football player is married?
    There is tobacco spit on both sides of his truck


    What's the difference between a Tennessee fan and a brand new puppy? Eventually the puppy will quit whining.

    BREAKING NEWS: TN is changing their mascot to a possum! It plays dead at home and gets killed on the road.

      I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer”
    ― Douglas Adams
  • TeachTeach Senior Member Posts: 18,428 Senior Member
    edited March 2019 #23
    Middle Tennessee State University (MTSU) is getting a name change to University of Middle Tennessee (UMT).  They found out that few of their football players and none of their coaches could spell "MTSU"!  However, they don't expect to attract any transfer students from UT! 
  • knitepoetknitepoet Senior Member Posts: 21,094 Senior Member

    Seven Habits of Highly Effective Pirates, Rule #37: There is no “overkill”. There is only “open fire” and “I need to reload”.


  • zorbazorba Senior Member Posts: 23,663 Senior Member
    knitepoet said:

    Oh WHERE do I get one of those?!?
    -Zorba, "The Veiled Male"

    "If you get it and didn't work for it, someone else worked for it and didn't get it..."
  • SpkSpk Senior Member Posts: 3,966 Senior Member
    edited March 2019 #26
    zorba said:
    knitepoet said:

    Oh WHERE do I get one of those?!?
    Looks like you want The Big Bubba!
    Big Bubba Programmable Car Horn




    Just upload your own mp3 file.

    Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience -- Mark Twain
    How easy it is to make people believe a lie, and [how] hard it is to undo that work again! -- Mark Twain

  • zorbazorba Senior Member Posts: 23,663 Senior Member
    Hmmmm....

    I *do* just happen to have a couple of MP3 zaghareet files - one of them by the legendary Nadia Gamal...
    -Zorba, "The Veiled Male"

    "If you get it and didn't work for it, someone else worked for it and didn't get it..."
  • SpkSpk Senior Member Posts: 3,966 Senior Member
    Only$59.99....

    You know you want it!!!!

    Get one and then post a video on the forum.

    I double dog dare ya 😂😂😂
    :D
    Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience -- Mark Twain
    How easy it is to make people believe a lie, and [how] hard it is to undo that work again! -- Mark Twain

  • zorbazorba Senior Member Posts: 23,663 Senior Member
    Yea, I *do* want one fer sure!
    -Zorba, "The Veiled Male"

    "If you get it and didn't work for it, someone else worked for it and didn't get it..."
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