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Sucks to be me

knitepoetknitepoet Senior MemberPosts: 21,068 Senior Member
edited November 2019 in Clubhouse #1
I haven't made this public, been trying to come to grips with it that last 24 hours. Luckily had some "powder burn" therapy planned for this morning anyway.

 Found out around 7pm last night that my mom has been diagnosed as being in the early stages of Alzheimer's.

 Any of you that have gone through this with friends or family members knows what this means.

 Those of you that haven't... Well, I get to slowly watch the woman who gave birth to me fade away, bit by bit. Until she no longer recognizes me, and then to the point that she can no longer communicate, and eventually not even eat, on her own.

So if I seem "different", y'all have a clue as to what is going on
Seven Habits of Highly Effective Pirates, Rule #37: There is no “overkill”. There is only “open fire” and “I need to reload”.


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Replies

  • TugarTugar Senior Member Posts: 2,221 Senior Member
    Dude, that's horrible. I am so sorry.  Having lost both parents in the 90's I can empathize. 
    Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery.
    Winston Churchill
  • earlyagainearlyagain Posts: 6,748 Senior Member
    Im sorry to hear that Paul. My best to you and your family.
  • bullsi1911bullsi1911 Moderator Posts: 11,139 Senior Member
    Damn sorry to here that.  Been involved with that a few times, and it is never easy.

    Prayers out for you and the family
    To make something simple is a thousand times more difficult than to make something complex.
    -Mikhail Kalashnikov
  • Old RonOld Ron Senior Member Posts: 4,265 Senior Member
    Been there poet & am there now too . Best wished to you & your mom . It gets really tough at times but have to grin & bare it . Best thing to do is maker there life as good as you can . It is hard work but well worth it in the end .
  • Big Al1Big Al1 Senior Member Posts: 7,822 Senior Member
    Really sorry to hear that, Paul!! Prayers for you and family!
  • knitepoetknitepoet Senior Member Posts: 21,068 Senior Member
    Thanks guys
    Seven Habits of Highly Effective Pirates, Rule #37: There is no “overkill”. There is only “open fire” and “I need to reload”.


  • zorbazorba Senior Member Posts: 23,637 Senior Member
    Sorry to hear this - yea, it SUCKS - and not in a good way either. Goddess Bless.
    -Zorba, "The Veiled Male"

    "If you get it and didn't work for it, someone else worked for it and didn't get it..."
  • tennmiketennmike Senior Member Posts: 27,395 Senior Member
    My Mom had it.  It's hard to deal with for sure. Having to watch a bright and vibrant mind fade away is sad.   Prayers for you and family.
      I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer”
    ― Douglas Adams
  • Diver43Diver43 Senior Member Posts: 10,899 Senior Member
    Best wishes for you and yours.
    Hopefully one of the new medical protocols will be helpful for your Mom
    Logistics cannot win a war, but its absence or inadequacy can cause defeat. FM100-5
  • knitepoetknitepoet Senior Member Posts: 21,068 Senior Member
    Thank you all
    Seven Habits of Highly Effective Pirates, Rule #37: There is no “overkill”. There is only “open fire” and “I need to reload”.


  • RaftermanRafterman New Member Posts: 229 Member
    Oh Lord, the bad news just keeps a coming. Best wishes to you and the family. Try and make as many positive experiences with her while you can.
  • BamaakIIBamaakII Posts: 273 Member
    Sorry to hear this.  Went through it with my mom, it tough to watch and live.  We had her here on hospice and living it 24/7 ain't for the faint of heart.

    Prayers be with you all
  • knitepoetknitepoet Senior Member Posts: 21,068 Senior Member
    Thank you both
    Seven Habits of Highly Effective Pirates, Rule #37: There is no “overkill”. There is only “open fire” and “I need to reload”.


  • JerryBobCoJerryBobCo Senior Member Posts: 7,927 Senior Member
    Prayers sent, Paul.

    My late FIL had Alzheimer's and spent his last several years in a nursing home.  Visiting him was painful, as he didn't know who either I or is own daughter was.  The last time I saw him he was totally unconscious and curled up in a fetal ball.

    My mother is 88, and in a memory care unit.  Her long term memory is still good, but her short term memory is not.

    I wish I had good advice for you, but about all I can say is stay strong and be there for her.
    Jerry

    Gun control laws make about as much sense as taking ex-lax to cure a cough.
  • Gene LGene L Senior Member Posts: 11,724 Senior Member
    Sorry to hear this, Paul.  Prayers for your mom and your entire family.
    Concealed carry is for protection, open carry is for attention.
  • knitepoetknitepoet Senior Member Posts: 21,068 Senior Member
    Thank you Jerry & Gene

    From going through it with my paternal grandmother, plus all of the dealings I've had with it in health care, unfortunately I am painfully aware of the road we're on, and the final destination :cry:
    Seven Habits of Highly Effective Pirates, Rule #37: There is no “overkill”. There is only “open fire” and “I need to reload”.


  • GunNutGunNut Posts: 5,759 Senior Member
    knitepoet said:
    Thank you Jerry & Gene

    From going through it with my paternal grandmother, plus all of the dealings I've had with it in health care, unfortunately I am painfully aware of the road we're on, and the final destination :cry:
    Yes you are and you have my ongoing prayers for strength and wisdom in dealing with this.  But I can tell you from personal experience that your reaction and actions during this journey are 99% of your experience.

    As you know my FIL was diagnosed with Dementia about 5 years ago, we just lost him in March of this year.  My wife and I moved close to him and mom so we could spend more time with him, because I actually truly loved him like a father, and to support mom when things got tough near the end.

    I can tell you the last 4 years of my FIL's life and my experience with him were an absolute treasure, and we got closer than at any point in our lives before.  We went out of our way to spend time with him and mom, even dropping in on mornings for coffee before starting work.  Friday and Sunday dinners became the norm and I became his chauffeur when he lost his ability to drive.  I would schedule haircut appointments for us together and take him on quick real or imagined shopping trips to Walmart to get him his favorite mints or whatever he decided he just had to have that day.  During those one-on-one times we spoke frankly about his condition and he knew where he was headed and we always tried to inject humor into it to ease the burden.

    His friends were AMAZING (he was a really popular guy to the day he passed), and they made sure that even when he told the same story for the third time in one dinner, they all still listened and laughed at all the right points, even when he had to stop in the middle of the story because he forgot the rest of it, they were kind and just said, no worries, it'll come back to you in a few minutes and quickly changed the subject for him.  We made sure he kept a pretty busy social schedule and that his routines stayed the same as long as we could.  

    HE was the judge of when he could not do certain things anymore.  I was heartbroken the first time he told me he didn't want to go to the club to watch football games with his buddies (something we did every Sunday and one of his favorite things to do) because he couldn't follow the games anymore.  But instead of being sad, I went and bought a six-pack of his favorite beer and a bunch of snacks and we watched the games together so he felt safe asking me what was going on.

    It was difficult sometimes to pass on things I wanted to do to spend time with him, but I figured I could always get to my stuff later.  He took great care of his kids for a long time and he was a good dad and a great provider.  This was HIS time now and he deserved no less.

    Because of this, towards the end when all his other kids started to fade he could still remember my and Kim's name, and even when that went away he would still light up every time we came through the door.  At the end when his difficulties were physical we still dealt with him in true love and kindness, taking over for mom when things got too tough for her, both mentally and physically.

    He is gone now but as often happens some of the times that were the toughest are some of our fondest memories we have today  His other kids have had a tough time coming to terms with his passing and questioning their relationship with him, but Kim and I were able to transition with the absolute peace that comes form knowing we gave him our all right to his last breath.  And knowing that when we see him again in Heaven he will be whole again and then we will be together forever...

    If you ever need to talk about this you have my number brother.  I'm here for you.

    Old West Saying: God created men, but Col. Sam Colt made them equal.

    General George Patton:  “Watch what people are cynical about, and one can often discover what they lack.”

  • knitepoetknitepoet Senior Member Posts: 21,068 Senior Member
    That means a lot E, THANK YOU!!
    Seven Habits of Highly Effective Pirates, Rule #37: There is no “overkill”. There is only “open fire” and “I need to reload”.


  • GunNutGunNut Posts: 5,759 Senior Member
    knitepoet said:
    That means a lot E, THANK YOU!!
    Anytime brother, anytime...
    Old West Saying: God created men, but Col. Sam Colt made them equal.

    General George Patton:  “Watch what people are cynical about, and one can often discover what they lack.”

  • VarmintmistVarmintmist Senior Member Posts: 7,396 Senior Member
    My grandfather went through it. I was pretty young at the time but I saw how it affected my dad. Yuo will get through it.
    It's boring, and your lack of creativity knows no bounds.
  • knitepoetknitepoet Senior Member Posts: 21,068 Senior Member
    Thanks guys. means a lot

    Seven Habits of Highly Effective Pirates, Rule #37: There is no “overkill”. There is only “open fire” and “I need to reload”.


  • ilove22silove22s Senior Member Posts: 1,386 Senior Member
    sorry to hear that.....

    i will be in your boots in a few years with my dad.

    since its been going around for a while now, ive been trying to prepare myself (mentally) as much as i can.

    Just try to remember its the disease thats doing it and your mom will always be your mom.


    The ears never lie.

    - Don Burt
  • BamaakIIBamaakII Posts: 273 Member
    My mom didn't have a mean bone in her body but the disease has a way of bringing it out.  Don't be afraid to ask her neurologist for drugs to counter it.  When he gave us some, the madness stopped almost completely. When it did occur was when she was due for another dose.
  • Make_My_DayMake_My_Day Senior Member Posts: 7,669 Senior Member
    I'm sorry for you and your family. As said in the above post, there are drugs that can slow down the progression and improve the quality of life of people with this awful disease. My best wishes for all of you.
    JOE MCCARTHY WAS RIGHT:
    THE DEMOCRATS ARE THE NEW COMMUNISTS!
  • RugerFanRugerFan Senior Member Posts: 2,291 Senior Member
    Sorry to hear this. 
  • SpkSpk Senior Member Posts: 3,962 Senior Member
    You can't catch a break, can you?
    Man, I'm not only saddened by the news and feel the pain you're going through. I'm pissed off!!!
    Pissed because this disease is so indiscriminate. Some of the best folks I've known have suffered it, including in my own family.
    Few things make me hate because hating is not for me but I hate this disease. I certainly don't need to explain it to you but I just hate that some of the best people you could ever meet later develop such a horrible disease. It steals from you every day until there's nothing left to steal. It robs you in every way possible and gives little in return. 😡
    If there's anything resembling a silver lining, it's what GunNut mentioned. It CAN bring you closer to the ones you love for however long they have left.
    A long good-bye and a difficult journey.

    Sincerest Prayers 🙏 to you Paul.
    Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience -- Mark Twain
    How easy it is to make people believe a lie, and [how] hard it is to undo that work again! -- Mark Twain

  • NNNN Senior Member Posts: 24,705 Senior Member
    Just prayed for you and yours;     Paul
    Shut up-----KAREN; OK Cynthia
  • kansashunterkansashunter Senior Member Posts: 1,812 Senior Member
    Sorry to hear this Paul. I hope you get some quality time with her while you can.
  • LinefinderLinefinder Moderator Posts: 7,024 Senior Member
    My thoughts and prayers are with you my friend.

    I think the V-Fib that almost killed me is what took my father. But, I'd been seeing significant changes in his personality for a couple of years beforehand. I do believe he was early onset Alzheimers.  The way he died, (suddenly) I think, was a blessing for all concerned.

    OTOH, I knew one lady that spent six years abed holding a ragdoll seeming as happy as a pre-schooler on a warm spring day. Then, one day...she simply died. I don't think she even knew it. 

    Which was the better end? Damned if I know.

    Mike
    "Walking away seems to be a lost art form."
    N454casull
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