12 things not to say to a cop who has pulled you over:

Lonewolf-Peru

12 Things Not To Say To A Cop

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!

5. Are you Andy or Barney?

6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.

7. You're not gonna check the trunk are you?

8. I pay your salary!

9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning too!

10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.

12. When the Officer says "Son...Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?' You probably shouldn't respond with, "Officer your eyes looked glazed, have you been eating donuts?

Lonewolf-Peru

Sorry... I posted while I was on the bus... wrong directory

PFD

Funny!

Don't tell a cop that slowing for a stop sign is practically the same as stopping.

He might start going to town on you with his night stick while asking "Do you want me to slow down or stop?"

zorba

Friend of mine once told the cop that he had only pulled her over because he had a quota to meet. I told her that was in the "top 10 things not to tell a cop!"

jaywapti

PFD said:

Funny!

Don't tell a cop that slowing for a stop sign is practically the same as stopping.

He might start going to town on you with his night stick while asking "Do you want me to slow down or stop?"

As kids STOP meant Spin Tires On Pavement

JAY

Japhy

And NEVER drive with a red 16oz solo cup in hand. 

bullsi1911

“You two are wearing the same outfit!  Are you a couple?”

Varmintmist

Wanna buy some weed?

bullsi1911

“Do you have any drugs or guns in the car?”
”Well… it depends.  What do you need?”

Linefinder

"Bless your heart.....You look just like my mother"......

Varmintmist

Linefinder said:

"Bless your heart.....You look just like my mother"......

Figured yours would be "Yep, its right in that bucket"

Freezer

jaywapti said:

PFD said:

Funny!

Don't tell a cop that slowing for a stop sign is practically the same as stopping.

He might start going to town on you with his night stick while asking "Do you want me to slow down or stop?"

As kids STOP meant Spin Tires On Pavement

JAY

Slight tap on pedal

Gene L

"I'll show you my license if you'll let me shoot your gun."

bullsi1911

Something I actually said to an officer that pulled me over:
I had just handed him my license and CHL
Officer- “do you have a gun in the car?”
Me- “Yessir”
O: “Where is it?”
Me: “Uhhh… which one?”

breamfisher

Sir, do you know why I pulled you over?

Me: gestures at box of donuts in the passenger seat.

Justsomedude

One that I actually said to a state trooper that pulled me over.
Him - "Sir do you know why I pulled you over?"
Me - "Let me guess, I went too far of a distance in to short of a time period?"
Him -
Me -
Me - "Yep, sounds ridiculous in a different context, huh?"
I got a ticket...

Freezer

I got out of a ticket for this one. I had just entered highway 5 after stopping at the grocery store. My friend and I were headed for the mountains 20 minuted north and had the food and a couple cases of beer in the bed of the truck. I hadn't put my seatbelt on, and I believe it was kicking sparks on the road as I drove up the on ramp.  Just my luck there were two CHPs behind me, the second one pulled me over. He asked;

Officer: Sir, do you know why I'm pulling you over?

Me: Yea I do.

Officer: I'm pulling you over for the felonious act of not wearing your seat belt. Do you have a good reason for not wearing your seat belt?

Me: Yes sir I do! I had a rectal-crainial inversion, my head just wasn't where it belonged.

Officer: (he did his best not to laugh) And where is your head at?

Me: About twenty minutes north Near Mt Elmore.

We talked about where we were hunting and he also hunted there. He told me to put my seatbelt on and wished us a good hunt.

Have you ever gotten out of a ticket by telling the cop you had your head up your butt?

MHancock

True story. Got pulled over in WY. Was doing about 100-110 in my Red Camaro. The radar detector went off, so slowed to around the speed limit. My buddy was driving. Cop came up to the window, very aggressively, tells my buddy I know you were going way faster than the spped limit. Buddy asked to see the radar, cop says, here's what I know that red dot went from there to there way too fast. Buddy says, hmm I don't think so. Cop says, okay so what's the hurry? Buddy says, Look at the Car, it just likes to go fast... Cop bust out laughing, said that is the most honest answer I have EVER been given... Leaves comes back with a ticket under 10 over the limit and a warning to slow down. 

It was my favorite cop story.

Wambli Ska

bullsi1911 said:

Something I actually said to an officer that pulled me over:
I had just handed him my license and CHL
Officer- “do you have a gun in the car?”
Me- “Yessir”
O: “Where is it?”
Me: “Uhhh… which one?”

Similar...  I got stopped by a County Sherriff Deputy for doing about 85 on a 55.  In NC you HAVE to inform any LEO that you have a meaningful interaction with of the fact you are a CC License Holder and that you are armed (or not).

Sherriff Deputy: Do you know why I stopped you?

Me: Yeah, I was going WAAAAAAY over the speed limit....

Sherriff Deputy:........

Me: By the way before we continue I should tell you that I am a Concealed Carry Licensee and there are 7 handguns in the car, one of them is on me.

Sherriff Deputy:............... Seven?

Me: Yep...

Sherriff Deputy: ........... Dear God, what are you afraid of?

Me: Not a thing.

At that point we both broke out laughing HARD on the side of the road.  I had a chance to explain to him that I was running late and headed to a range to train a bunch of folks and the handguns were "loaners" for new shooters.  He asked me a bunch of questions about what I did and training, then he asked for my card because he said he had some Deputies that needed "outside help".  We exchanged a few more pleasantries and he said "Please keep it under 70.".

I did NOT get a ticket 
  

Freezer

That mimics an old joke about an old lady who was pulled over and armed to the teeth!

Diver43

One year the wife and I were driving g through Georgia a d the blue lights came on.  State trooper asked If there were any guns in the car.  I said yes several.  Officer asked where. Told him one on me a d wife had one in her door counsel along with 13 or so in the back.  He asked why so many guns? I told him we were on the way home fro. The Guns and Ammo South East shoot in tenness.  He said let's leave them where they are a d slow down.

Wambli Ska

Freezer said:

That mimics an old joke about an old lady who was pulled over and armed to the teeth!

I don’t claim originality.  I only claim it left my brain and past my tongue before I could put a speed bump in place. 😎

Spk

Officer: "Why on earth were you going so fast in a school zone?"

Me: "Sorry officer, but if I don't get to the high school in 30 minutes or less, the kids get my drugs for free!"

Varmintmist

I just get tickets so no good stories, however I have a buddy that has a pretty good one.

He has been bald since age 17. At the time he was working out of state and coming home for the weekend a bit fast. The cop pulls him over..

Officer (O) Lic and Reg

Friend (F) hands over the paperwork

O, looks at him and back at the lic, says "You lost a lot of hair since you got this lic"

F, Nope, "I didnt lose it, its at home on my dresser"

O, after catching his breath gives him his paperwork back and tells him to slow the F down

Gila

MIL gets pulled over... MIL: "Hello Officer. Are you selling tickets to the Highway Patrol ball?" Trooper: "The Highway Patrol doesn't have balls." Trooper returns to cruiser and drives off...

Jayhawker

My favorite was always the person that says " Do you know who I am?"
This was a sure way to learn the concept "You may not be able to talk your way out of a ticket, but you can sure as hell talk your way into one...."

Another encounter reported by an acquaintance occurred while they were on the interstate in Montana on their way fishing....Now this was before there was a posted speed limit and "reasonable and prudent" was the the rule....
They got pulled over by a State Trooper who inquired "Do you have any idea how fast you were going?"
My acquaintance,  being something of a wise ass, replied "Not sure, but it was reasonable and prudent"...To which the Trooper replied "Sir...there is nothing reasonable or prudent about going over 100 miles per hour while towing a drift boat..."

Freezer

A woman and her husband get into the car and start driving. The wife notices he doesn't have his seat belt on. She complains;

Wife; You should have your seatbelt on, it's illegal to drive without your seatbelt on, you could get pulled over for not wearing your seat belt.

A cop pulls in behind the couple and turns on his lights. The husband sees him and puts on his seat belt, then pulls over.

The officer approaches the man and asks; 

Officer: Sir, do you know why I'm pulling you over?

Husband; No, sir, I don't.

Officer: I'm pulling you over for not wearing your seat belt.

Husband; I had it on. 

Officer; No, you didn't you put it on when I was pulling you over.

Husband; I had it on, you can ask my wife!

Officer; Well Mam?

Wife; Officer, I've been married to this man for 42 years, and if there's one thing I've learned, don't argue with him when he's drunk!