What's the best weapon for defense against gorillas?

knitepoetknitepoet Senior MemberPosts: 18,865 Senior Member
And no, this isn't a joke :tooth:
The local ABC affiliate just mentioned it on their "News at Noon" broadcast

http://www.abc3340.com/story/17133436/hale-county-sheriffs-office-searching-for-possible-gorilla

I'm thinking the Beowulf
Seven Habits of Highly Effective Pirates, Rule #37: There is no “overkill”. There is only “open fire” and “I need to reload”.


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Replies

  • JayhawkerJayhawker Moderator Posts: 15,070 Senior Member
    That would probably work...as would a 12 gauge loaded with slugs...on the other hand, you could probably throw a fruit basket in his direction giving you plenty of time to amble off to safety...
    Sharps Model 1874 - "The rifle that made the west safe for Winchester"
  • knitepoetknitepoet Senior Member Posts: 18,865 Senior Member
    Jayhawker wrote: »
    you could probably throw a fruit basket in his direction giving you plenty of time to amble off to safety...
    I like that idea :up:
    Seven Habits of Highly Effective Pirates, Rule #37: There is no “overkill”. There is only “open fire” and “I need to reload”.


  • BufordBuford Senior Member Posts: 6,661 Senior Member
    I'm pretty sure a .270 would stop a gorilla.
    Just look at the flowers Lizzie, just look at the flowers.
  • bullsi1911bullsi1911 Moderator Posts: 9,731 Senior Member
    Jayhawker wrote: »
    That would probably work...as would a 12 gauge loaded with slugs

    Saiga 12.
    To make something simple is a thousand times more difficult than to make something complex.
    -Mikhail Kalashnikov
  • BigDanSBigDanS Senior Member Posts: 6,803 Senior Member
    Serioulsy, a gorilla is mostly passive unless you invade its territory. A bunch of bananas would be perfect just before a large dose of tranq from a dart gun.

    Now if you must use a handgun... S&W 500.

    D
    "A patriot is mocked, scorned and hated; yet when his cause succeeds, all men will join him, for then it costs nothing to be a patriot." Mark Twain
    Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives.... now who's bringing the hot wings? :jester:
  • BufordBuford Senior Member Posts: 6,661 Senior Member
    knitepoet wrote: »
    And no, this isn't a joke :tooth:
    The local ABC affiliate just mentioned it on their "News at Noon" broadcast

    http://www.abc3340.com/story/17133436/hale-county-sheriffs-office-searching-for-possible-gorilla

    I'm thinking the Beowulf

    You could have your friend wear an attack me first shirt.
    Just look at the flowers Lizzie, just look at the flowers.
  • breamfisherbreamfisher Senior Member Posts: 13,108 Senior Member
    Buford wrote: »
    You could have your friend wear an attack me first shirt.

    Have them wear the whole costume...

    vg45.jpg
    Overkill is underrated.
  • TeachTeach Senior Member Posts: 18,429 Senior Member
    Isn't it about spring break time? Better check the local athletic department dorms to see if a football player or three is missing! It's Alabama, ya know!
    Jerry
    Hide and wail in terror, Eloi- - - -We Morlocks are on the hunt!
    ASK-HOLE Someone who asks for advice and always does something opposite
  • knitepoetknitepoet Senior Member Posts: 18,865 Senior Member
    Teach wrote: »
    Isn't it about spring break time? Better check the local athletic department dorms to see if a football player or three is missing! It's Alabama, ya know!
    Jerry
    Yeah, some of those Volunteer players might have gotten lost on their way to the beach :tooth:
    Seven Habits of Highly Effective Pirates, Rule #37: There is no “overkill”. There is only “open fire” and “I need to reload”.


  • PFDPFD Senior Member Posts: 1,202 Senior Member
    The best defense is avoidance and awareness of your surroundings.

    I try to avoid places where there may be uncaged gorillas and if I can't avoid those places then I'm on high alert.

    If I see one walking in my direction then I cross the street. :roll:
    That's all I got.

    Paul
  • tennmiketennmike Senior Member Posts: 26,106 Senior Member
    knitepoet wrote: »
    Yeah, some of those Volunteer players might have gotten lost on their way to the beach :tooth:

    Read the above and immediately thought of the movie "Hollywood Knights". Spring break is prank time! :rotflmao:
    If the U.S. Congress was put in charge of the Sahara Desert, there would be a shortage of sand in under six months.



  • samzheresamzhere Banned Posts: 10,923 Senior Member
    Would this be a rogue gorilla, a rouge gorilla, or a rogue rouge gorilla? Much rides on the category.

    Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read. - Groucho Marx
  • SlanteyedshootistSlanteyedshootist Senior Member Posts: 3,947 Senior Member
    Wear a "I love Dian Fossey" shirt.
    The answer to 1984 is 1776
  • knitepoetknitepoet Senior Member Posts: 18,865 Senior Member
    Wear a "I love Dian Fossey" shirt.
    :rotflmao:
    Seven Habits of Highly Effective Pirates, Rule #37: There is no “overkill”. There is only “open fire” and “I need to reload”.


  • EliEli Senior Member Posts: 3,074 Senior Member
    12 gauge with slugs sounds about right. If I had to go with a handgun, I'd want a Glock 20 with a 7" Lonewolf barrel, loaded with some hardcast lead or FMJ's please.
  • bobbyrlf3bobbyrlf3 Senior Member Posts: 2,467 Senior Member
    Anybody see "Congo"??? Choose your weapon wisely..............
    Knowledge is essential to living freely and fully; understanding gives knowledge purpose and strength; wisdom is combining the two and applying them appropriately in words and actions.
  • KSU FirefighterKSU Firefighter Senior Member Posts: 3,246 Senior Member
    A slow friend.
    The fire service needs a "culture of extinguishment not safety" Ray McCormack FDNY
  • 1965Jeff1965Jeff Senior Member Posts: 1,611 Senior Member
    Would the 12 gauge cause Misty Gorillas?
  • NCFUBARNCFUBAR Senior Member Posts: 4,324 Senior Member
    Depends on if it is a male or female ... FEMALE would be the biggest rifle cartridge you had ... MALE a Gorilla catchin' Chihuahua

    This guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in his tree. He looks in the phone book for a gorilla removal service until he finds one.

    "Is it a boy or girl gorilla?" the service guy asks.

    "Boy," is the man's response.

    "Oh yeah, I can do it. I'll be right there", says the service guy. An hour later the guy shows up with a stick, a Chihuahua, a shotgun, and a pair of handcuffs. He then gives the man some instructions: "Now, I'm going to climb this tree and poke the gorilla with the stick until he falls. When he does, the trained Chihuahua will bite the gorilla's testicles. The gorilla will then cross his hands to protect himself and allow you to put the handcuffs on."

    The man asks, "What do I do with the shotgun?"

    The service guy replies, "If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, shoot the Chihuahua."
    “The further a society drifts from truth ... the more it will hate those who speak it."
    - George Orwell
  • DoctorWhoDoctorWho Senior Member Posts: 9,496 Senior Member
    PFD wrote: »
    The best defense is avoidance and awareness of your surroundings.

    I try to avoid places where there may be uncaged gorillas and if I can't avoid those places then I'm on high alert.

    If I see one walking in my direction then I cross the street. :roll:



    I try to avoid those places where there may be uncaged gorillas or pink elephants, I only worry if I can't avoid those places when I'm high. :jester:

    Fixed it...... :jester:
    "There is some evil in all of us, Doctor, even you, the Valeyard is an amalgamation of the darker sides of your nature, somewhere between your twelfth and final incarnation, and I may say, you do not improve with age. Founding member of the G&A forum since 1996
  • NNNN Senior Member Posts: 23,968 Senior Member
    Jayhawker wrote: »
    That would probably work...as would a 12 gauge loaded with slugs...on the other hand, you could probably throw a fruit basket in his direction giving you plenty of time to amble off to safety...

    :that: but heavy on the bananas
    A Veteran is someone that served in the Military, it does not matter where they served.
  • JayhawkerJayhawker Moderator Posts: 15,070 Senior Member
    1965Jeff wrote: »
    Would the 12 gauge cause Misty Gorillas?

    Possibly a pink mist...
    Sharps Model 1874 - "The rifle that made the west safe for Winchester"
  • ADRidgeADRidge Member Posts: 173 Member
    A friend of mine has worked at the Dallas Zoo for about a decade. He's on their "weapons team"... Basically as a stop-gap measure until DPD can get there and kill any escaped dangerous animals if they have to. They use a few .45-70's or .458win mags.
    In space no one can hear you scream... but if you put a helicopter up there, some jerk would complain about the noise!
  • SlanteyedshootistSlanteyedshootist Senior Member Posts: 3,947 Senior Member
    Throw a PETAperson at the ape and start running.
    The answer to 1984 is 1776
  • DoctorWhoDoctorWho Senior Member Posts: 9,496 Senior Member
    Those PETA people have been known to cause mountain lions to gag.... :jester:
    "There is some evil in all of us, Doctor, even you, the Valeyard is an amalgamation of the darker sides of your nature, somewhere between your twelfth and final incarnation, and I may say, you do not improve with age. Founding member of the G&A forum since 1996
  • Jim TomJim Tom Member Posts: 338 Member
    AK with a "banana" clip!
  • TeachTeach Senior Member Posts: 18,429 Senior Member
    DoctorWho wrote: »
    Those PETA people have been known to cause buzzards to gag.... :jester:

    Fixed it for ya!
    Jerry
    Hide and wail in terror, Eloi- - - -We Morlocks are on the hunt!
    ASK-HOLE Someone who asks for advice and always does something opposite
  • tennmiketennmike Senior Member Posts: 26,106 Senior Member
    6b805252-63e1-4930-8b9d-225723ec0266.jpg
    If the U.S. Congress was put in charge of the Sahara Desert, there would be a shortage of sand in under six months.



  • bruchibruchi Senior Member Posts: 2,582 Senior Member
    bullsi1911 wrote: »
    Saiga 12.

    Those things are serious jam o' matics!
    If this post is non welcomed, I can always give you a recipe for making "tostones".
  • bruchibruchi Senior Member Posts: 2,582 Senior Member
    I wonder if gorillas when wounded become ever more aggressive and dangerous, got a feeling they are and I have no interest in finding out firsthand.

    Gorillas, fully grown are around 600 pound animals, think a lot of that is muscle, cows can weight up to 1000 pounds, you can put a cow down with a 22, somehow I don't think that will work as well with a gorilla...

    A very DEPENDABLE high capacity semiauto 12 gauge with slugs and a lot of ground in between to reload at least once and go at it again or one well placed slug from an 8 gauge?

    Probably an AK with a 75 round drum and good shot placement, a lot of it, will work too.
    If this post is non welcomed, I can always give you a recipe for making "tostones".
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