My new favorite expression !

DoctorWho

A customer told Me his father used to say:

"That man is a bit thin between the horns"......

I love it !!!!

That and "all hat and no cattle".....

avmech

I am kinda partial to this one: picking fly poop out of the pepper

Make_My_Day

One of the funniest expressions I ever heard was from an Army pal in 1970...."tighter than a gnat's a$$ stretched over a rain barrel! :referring to how someone treats his money.

LMLarsen

I've always been fond of, "That boy's so dumb, he couldn't pour [pee] out of a boot if the directions were printed on the heel!"

tennmike

My all time favorite expression has always been, "Bless his/her/your heart!". As a prefix or suffix to any sentence it can convey several meanings. Context means everything in it's use. It's most common use is to convey the meaning that the person to whom it is directed is an idiot of some sort. It also convey sympathy. And sometimes both.
For example, a Southerner and a person from New Jersey are introduced. In this instance, "Well bless your heart" conveys both.
Person from New Jersey says, "I'm from New Joisey!"
Person from the South says, "Well bless your heart!"
:tooth::roll2::silly::jester:

DoctorWho

If ignorance were virtue, (insert a name here) would be a saint...........

Jayhawker

"Tighter 'n Dicks hatband"

"Nothing ain't so broke that it can't be thrown away."

DoctorWho

From My LE days: "We are starting a new program to eliminate all the dead wood from the department !!!!" this after a famous incident where 40 shots were fired with none hitting the intended target..........

bruchi

"So hard a midget can do pull ups on it"

Bigslug

"Couldn't scratch his butt with a handful of fish hooks" - Kenfu1911, circa 1997.

1965Jeff

If brains were dynamite _____ couldn't blow his nose.

coolgunguy

"He's so full of (crap) that, if you gave him an enema, you could bury him in a matchbox!"

"______ looks like forty miles of bad road."

"He's so hung over, his eyes look like two 'pee' holes in a snow bank!"

"As far as ______ is concerned, he's a pretty good _______" Fill in the two blanks with two very different occupations, like mechanic and chef.

Big Chief

'More confused than a blind lesbian in a fish market'

'Little Tommy Tucker, his twin brother and every other mother blanker'

44special

More f*d up than a soup sandwich.

Nuttier than a s*house rat.

FiveSeven

That'll gag a maggot.

Don't let fear and common sense stop you.

Diver43

That should go over like a fart in church.

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Big Chief

Sweating like a slave on the auction block.

10 AC

If you took his brain and put it in a match box.
It would roll around like a BB in a box car.

gator

Dumber than hammered s***

Fisheadgib

Of all the places that I've lived, Texas was by far the best place to pick up great sayings. Most of the old timers that I worked around had an endless supply of them. One of my favorites that I still don't hear often is "he's so tight, when he farts, only dogs can hear it."

DoctorWho

That is true, a Texan can keep you laughing for days........

Edited to add: It is however bad if you are trying to drink your beer..... :spittingcoffee:

bhl2506

He's tighter than a boars @**.

Busier than a three p%$##kered billy goat in a field full of sheep.

______ is ugly enough to stop a clock.

______ is ugly enough to make a train take a dirt road.

Big Chief

Drier than a popcorn fart..........:popcorn::popcorn::popcorn:

Big Chief

Here are a few geed ones from this site:
http://www.havaris.ca/ok/funny-redneck-slangs-quotes-sayings/01.htm

It tastes so bad ya gotta lick the cat’s butt to get the taste outta yer mouth.

It was so quiet, you could hear a mouse pissin’ on a cotton ball.

It’s hotter then two rats screwing in a wool sock.

It’s so dry, the Baptist are sprinkling and the Methodist are using a damp washcloth.

It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch.

A bothersome person is "like a booger you cain't thump off."

A few more beers, and I’d probably do ya. So give me a minute darling, and then I’ll give you one!

Hey and one fer Breamfisher:

Call him Bream,cause he’s got hands like a fish!

ghostsniper1

Some from my oldman.

1. The snow is arsehole deep to a 9 foot indian.
2. That is tighter than a bulls arse.
3. Colder than a welldiggers arse.

Jayhawker

"Hotter 'n a two dollar pistol" (Usually applied to a member of the female gender)

Chris C

I love watching Lizzard Lick Towing for all the crazy a$$ expressions..... :rotflmao:

"I know you're all roostered up, but I ain't feeling your cock-a-doodle-do.".

"She's madder than a wet hen at an omelet scramble."