Current Alert status regarding terrorism........

orchidmanorchidman Senior MemberPosts: 7,731 Senior Member
ALERTS TO THREATS IN EUROPE
From JOHN CLEESE

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from Miffed to Peeved. Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to Irritated or even A Bit Cross. The English have not been A Bit Cross since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from Tiresome to A Bloody Nuisance. The last time the British issued a Bloody Nuisance warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from P Off to Lets get the Bastards. They dont have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from Run to Hide. The only two higher levels in France are Collaborate and Surrender. The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the countrys military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from Shout Loudly and Excitedly to Elaborate Military Posturing. Two more levels remain: Ineffective Combat Operations and Change Sides.

The Germans have increased their alert state from Disdainful Arrogance to Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs. They also have two higher levels: Invade a Neighbour and Lose.

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from No worries to Shell be right, Mate. Two more escalation levels remain: Crikey! I think well need to cancel the barbie this weekend! and The barbie is cancelled. So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.
Regards,

John Cleese ,
British writer, actor and tall person
Still enjoying the trip of a lifetime and making the best of what I have.....

Replies

  • tennmiketennmike Senior Member Posts: 26,106 Senior Member
    :spittingcoffee: Mr. Cleese left out New Zealand. That just ain't right. Perhaps you could give us a rundown on the NZ threat levels?
    If the U.S. Congress was put in charge of the Sahara Desert, there would be a shortage of sand in under six months.



  • orchidmanorchidman Senior Member Posts: 7,731 Senior Member
    tennmike wrote: »
    :spittingcoffee: Mr. Cleese left out New Zealand. That just ain't right. Perhaps you could give us a rundown on the NZ threat levels?

    I tried to contact the guy who assesses our threat level but his wife said he is out fishing and when he gets home he has to mow the lawns before he can comment..........
    Still enjoying the trip of a lifetime and making the best of what I have.....
  • tennmiketennmike Senior Member Posts: 26,106 Senior Member
    Sounds like a reasonable course of action in these trying times.
    If the U.S. Congress was put in charge of the Sahara Desert, there would be a shortage of sand in under six months.



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